Swirling whirlwind
     of wounds and worries and wearyness
I am shattered and splattered in pieces

The timing is bad

Though I know it is merely rebound
    I know it is more than rebound

I can view you
    right through you
This clarity's a rarity.

I want to throw myself at you
But you are gentle, simple, fragile
I would savagely ravage you
    hungry and helpless with lonliness

Shit.

You shouldn't be greedily devoured
    then lost or tossed aside
You should be savored
    gently and completely
    relishing the peach-meat
Suckling slowly and sweetly on the stoney seed
 

I am not ready.
 

The timing is bad
I am hospitalized and helpless
    and can hardly hurry healing...
Yet I fear before I'm done
You will be snatched fast
    and gone
and I'll miss my only chance...
 

Timing.
 

Can I humbly suggest
    a soft offer?

Would you wait a while on me?

Leave me sweep the pieces
    while I clumsily fumble
    reassembling my heart?
Maybe a month
    then maybe a moment more?
 

I hardly even know you
But I would like to know you better...

Friends in the meantime...?
 

Can I just have first-dibs?
 

Oh, how I long to be courted!
To stroll slowly hand-in-hand
To gaze sweetly sitting at a street table
To wander walking in the woods
To watch movies or share music
And not hunger desperately for eachother
    oh God no...

I'm not opposed to making love
I just want time to restock the kitchen.
I want gourmet this time
    not eat Spagettios with weenies again tonight...
I want to yield to the preparation
I want indulgence, extravagence, sensuousness...
I want those long saturday afternoons
    touching, tickling, talking, giggling
Skin on skin
    with no destination
    and nothing to achieve...
 

What barter can I beg for, then, hmm?
    purchase some patience,
    settle on a little more time?

My modest, meager offer
    is that I promise
        sincerely
That it will be worth the wait...

        -- Sept. 10, 1999